It was a dark night and shadows danced upon the ceiling, as unsettling sounds drifted through the opened window. Eyes opened wide, she pulled her knees up to her shoulders. Not daring to look away from the window, her hands traveled down to grab her blanket and drag it over her knees. She shivered. Grunting slightly, she hopped out of bed and shut the window. Why it was so cold on a spring night in Santa Barbara was a mystery to her. A thought occurred to her, that she wasn't cold on the outside, but on the inside. She quickly dismissed it, knowing that considering that might lead to dragging up memories she'd buried deep and didn't want to drag up. She gazed out of the window for a minute, before walking back to her bed. She lay down and closed her eyes. She didn't try to sleep, she knew that wouldn't work. Instead, she thought about when times things weren't as complicated as they were now.
She turned over and saw her boyfriend beside her. He was great, really, but he just... wasn't... enough. He wasn't who she wanted to fall asleep next to. She found herself wishing to be beside the man she, ironically, kissed in her boyfriend's foyer.
But she wasn't. She was with Declan and not with Shawn. A part of her hated her for not saying - doing - something after the kiss. For just staring at him, being too surprised by her own actions to react properly. Another part was glad she didn't do anything. Mostly because she feared what might have happened. How would Declan have reacted? Would she have hurt him? Of course she would have. But, she had to hurt Declan either way. She simply couldn't go with him on the trip. It wouldn't be fair. And if she would have reacted. Then she and Shawn would likely be together... how would that be? Was it bound to fail? Was she bound to wind up getting hurt in the end? She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Why couldn't she go to sleep and deal with these feelings and thoughts tomorrow?
For hours, she tossed and turned. She watched the sun rise through the bay window, sighing every time she noted a change in its position. It was a Saturday morning, when Declan had to make his calls to Europe, meaning he'd be up soon. It would be extremely out of the ordinary for her to be awake earlier than him. Still, sleep eluded her.
"Juliet?"
She had her eyes closed, but she didn't sleep and she hadn't been asleep - at all. She didn't want to answer him, but knowing that she would end up hurting him, she figured that she could let him have this. "Yes?" She opened her eyes, seeing Declan sitting on his enormous bed.
"Are you alright? After... yesterday, after they left -- you seem off."
She was touched by his concern, but she didn't want to answer him. It was too painful, for both of them. "I'm fine. Go make your calls." She didn't want to mess his calls up by being selfish, she would wait until he had finished them. And then she'd tell him. She closed her eyes, wanting to be able to postpone it.
"...Okay. As long as you're sure." Juliet nodded and smiled, though she could tell that he could tell that it was forced. As she sat up, Declan said teasingly, "It's a shame you woke up so early. You were going to get a visit from the pomegranate fairy."
"Yeah, a shame." She kept smiling as Declan rose from his bed and walked out of the room. As the door closed behind him,, she fell back into bed, cringing just as she had the day before; left alone in the foyer of her boyfriend after kissing Shawn, her 'friend.' How could she have let this happen?
She took a shower, got dressed. She knew what was coming, but she was dreading it. She didn't exactly know if it was because she would hurt Declan, or if it was because she had to face her own actions and feelings.
Juliet slowly walked into the living room, finding Declan underneath that ridiculous painting of him. She sighed and studied him for a while, as he was talking into a phone and scribbling down details on a notepad. When he finished the call, he looked up. He smiled at her, as he put his phone and notepad on the table in front of him.
She smiled back tersely. She turned in the direction of the kitchen, chickening out, but then hesitated. She stopped mid-step. Slowly, she turned to face her boyfriend. She was never one to shy away from a challenge. "How was Tulsa?" She stood awkwardly in the living room, eyes flickering to the huge painting hanging on the wall.
"He's... he wants to buy my hoverboat." Declan rolled his eyes, while Juliet fought rolling hers.
"What do you need a hoverboat for? Isn't the point of a boat to be on the water?"
Declan laughed and shook his head, Juliet just shrugged. An awkward silenced followed. "So... what is it?"
Juliet looked surprised, if not a little shocked. How did he know? Did he know? "What?" She pretended not to know what he was talking about.
"Come on, Juliet. You have been meaning to tell me something - I can see it." He looked at her expectantly, but she couldn't find the right words to say. "It is bad, isn't it?" Declan's voice trailed off, as his mind began to form a clear and very likely idea of what Juliet would say to him. His assumption was confirmed by Juliet, as she shook her head.
"I'm sorry." It was barely a whisper, but Declan heard it crystal clear. He bowed his head in defeat. He had known that this would happen. A perfect girl like Juliet wasn't destined to be with him.
"You're breaking up with me." It wasn't a question, more a statement. Declan just needed to hear it out loud and if Juliet wouldn't say it, then he would.
Juliet shrugged a shoulder and nodded.
"Juliet, you don't have to do this. Sit down. Have some tea. Let's talk." Declan scooted over and patted the chair next to him.
The only thing on Juliet's mind was, I drink coffee. She started to shake her head.
Declan's smile fell from his face. "You're serious." Juliet nodded. Declan paused with his cup of tea hanging in the air. He blinked a few times, then shook his head, bringing his tea to his lips. "No, no, no, no, Bunny, you're being ridiculous."
"Don't call me that." Juliet crossed her arms as Declan ignored her.
"I am sure this is nothing we can't fix with a few nice words."
"Declan." She ran a hand through her hair.
"Please stop that."
"Declan..."
"Juliet, we've talked about this. It's all about H.O.M.E, honesty, open-mindedness, modesty, and empathy."
"Declan! I kissed Shawn!"
Declan blinked, at a total loss of words. "You- what...?" He just couldn't wrap his mind around it. He didn't want to wrap his mind around. He prayed that he'd wake up soon and that all this - this mess - was just a bad dream.
"I kissed him, Declan - I'm so sorry." Her voice was soft at first, but it almost broke at the end. "I didn't want to hurt you..."
Declan shook his head. "No, no, no..." He mumbled, more to himself that to anyone else. Then, he stood up, making an decision. "Juliet, bunny, listen to me. We can work this out." He still couldn't believe what Juliet told him. "Let's forget about it. It's okay. I'm okay." He stressed.
Meanwhile, Juliet started pacing. "No." She shook her head repeatedly. "No!"
"What it is? If I can look past it, then surely you can. We can make this work, I know it."
"Declan, I don't think I want to make this work!" A frustrated grunt erupted from Juliet's throat as she turned away from him, raking her hands through her hair.
"...What? Bunny, I... I don't understand." Her hands fell to her sides as she hung her head.
"Why do you think I kissed him, Declan." She spoke quietly.
Suddenly, anger took over. "I don't know. YOU kissed him!" He shouted, furious and frustrated with both Juliet and this whole mess. Juliet had assured him that she and Shawn were just friends, that there was nothing going on. Declan briefly wondered if that was true, but then dismissed it. He couldn't change the past, he just had to deal with the current situation.
Juliet's hand travelled to her face, wiping away a tear. If she could just answer Declan's question... but, she couldn't. She didn't know why she kissed Shawn. He just looked so vulnerable and sweet. And when he told her all those things... She closed her eyes, sighing. Why wasn't there an easy way out of here?
“I kissed him because I wanted to.” Declan closed his eyes. “What does that tell you, Dec.” Declan clenched his fists, and looked up to the ceiling. “I am so sorry. You have no id-”
“What happened.”
“Declan, you don’t want to hear thi-”
He spoke softly. “Just tell me. I need to know.”
She swallowed.
"Juliet!" He urged her. She could see how hard it was for him, and how much he just needed to know. He sighed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Just tell me already!"
Juliet bowed her head, not knowing where to start. "Well... if you really want me to." It was silent for a moment. "I guess I always liked him-"
"But you said that there wasn't anything going on between the two of you!" Declan interrupted.
"There wasn't! But there were feelings- We never really..." Juliet sighed again, a hand rubbing her face in frustration. If she didn't want to tell Declan why she kissed Shawn, then why did he want to know? And she wasn't going to share any of their moments with him. "And then... When he came here yesterday- He was so upset. I could see it. I could see how frustrated he was."
Declan clenched his hands into fists and mumbled: "Serves him right."
Juliet threw him a glance, but ignored the comment. "Next thing I know he is telling me have a good time. To enjoy my trip- And I could see him falling apart. I could see how much he was hurting, Declan! I could see how much hated saying it..."
"And then you just kissed him." Declan's voice was filled with emotion and rage.
Juliet took a deep breath. "Yes." She spit out. She watched Declan as he turned around to face his giant painting. She crossed her arms and shrunk into herself as best as possible. When Declan turned suddenly and walked right up to her, she was just a little bit startled.
"I can give you anything you want, anything, and you are going to choose him?! What for!? What can... that give you that I can't?!" She had never, ever, seen Declan mad before. It was scary for her, to say the least, but not scary enough to give her cause to ignore the fact that he had called Shawn an object.
"He can give me him! I've known him for years, Declan and he has helped me through a lot of stuff and even saved my life! I would never say that I don't feel bad for kissing him like this, but I will also never, ever, say that I regret kissing him at all." Juliet stormed around him to the couch and sat down. He followed her, much to her chagrin. He sat on the couch opposite to her, though, thankfully.
Watching the dust settle, Juliet closed her eyes. She understood that she had to work things out with Declan, but she wanted to just grab her stuff and run out of this enormous villa and never - ever look back. But, she wasn't that kind of person. She was smart and responsible... Shawn would have done that. She suppressed a slight giggle at the thought of Shawn dating Declan. Then, her thoughts grew serious again. She had no idea how to go from here. Did she have to say something, or would he?
"I don't understand..." Declan said quietly.
"I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, Declan."
"Say that you'll stay here. That you won't leave."
"That's not fair and you know it."
"I know." The defeat was prominent in his voice.
Juliet looked at him. "I'm sorry."
"I know."
She got up, and walked over to him, and kissed his cheek. "Bye, Declan." At that moment, she was very thankful to have grabbed her toothbrush before coming downstairs. She began her trek towards the door, but Declan's voice stopped her.
"Why'd you lie, Bunn-" he swallowed. "Juliet." She swallowed. Well, it wasn't easy on her, either. "Why'd you lie about there being nothing there?" She turned slowly, expecting him to be sitting still, but he was on his feet. His hair was messed up from raking his hands threw it.
"It wasn't a lie, not at fir-" Her hands fell to her sides as Declan shook his head increasingly fast.
"Don't... don't do that, Jules."
"Don't call me that." Juliet bit back quickly; decisively; instinctively. That name, at least right now, was reserved for Shawn.
And with that she turned around and started skating towards the front door, leaving Declan behind. She truly didn't want to hurt him, but he made it so damn hard. Asking her all about why she kissed Shawn, trying to make her stay, calling her Jules. Juliet sighed and stopped dead in her tracks when she reached the front door. She wanted to look back and see if Declan was alright, but she didn't. She knew that the only thing she would see was a very sad and frustrated Declan and that that sight would only hurt her more. Taking a deep breath, she opened the front door and stepped outside, into the fresh morning air.
Slamming the door behind her, she heard him call after her, "I might have beaten him to the punch, but he beat me to the knockout, huh!"
She stepped into the light of day and walked to her car, basking in the suns rays. Free, she knew what she had to do.
"The Psych Office." she grabbed her keys, got in her car, and sped away.
{‘}{,}{‘}{,}{‘}{,}{‘}{,}{‘}{,}
She parked her car, but she didn't get out just yet. Shawn's motorcycle was parked in front of the Psych Office, but Gus' car was nowhere to be seen. She knew that she had to get out of her green Volkswagen and talk to Shawn, but found herself trying to postpone it. "Come on O'Hara, you're a homicide detective. Murderers don’t scare you, but this does?" She mumbled to herself, before opening her car door, getting out and locking her car.
She started towards the door to the office quickly, and then slowed. She picked her pace up again, and slowed. O'Hara, this is not the time for your cowardly lion side to kick in. Before she really knew what was happening, she was in front of the door. She could hear the TV blaring, but over that, Shawn's laughter. Briefly, she leaned against the door frame, and just listened to the melodic jingle the sound made ringing inside her ears. After a little bit of deducing, she could tell the movie was One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. She never thought it all that funny, but hearing it the way Shawn did put it in perspective. After all, the moments that make the most sense happen when everything else doesn't.
And with that thought at the tip of her tongue, she knocked lightly on the door. Quickly, she could tell that Shawn had no intention of getting up. He probably didn't even hear. Trying her luck, she pressed lightly on the handle of the door.
Part of her didn't want it to open. It wanted her to go back in her car, and drive home, and think this through. But the other part- the bigger part- wanted it to open, to go on impulse, just once.
As usual, majority rule. She quietly opened the door, smiling when it didn't squeak at all. She went and stood in the secondary doorway, watching Shawn laugh. She bit her lip. My, what a tangled web I weave. She thought, as Shawn threw his head all the way back, roaring with laughter.
As he saw her, upside down, he jumped straight off the couch. "Jules!"
"Shawn." She smiled softly, a little nervous.
"What are you doing here?" Shawn said. He was shocked, and a little flustered. Why was Juliet here? How long had she been standing there? What had she seen? He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
"Well..." Juliet didn't know how to say this. "I broke up with Declan." She blurted out, deciding it was better to get over with.
"Wha- Why?" Shawn stammered, surprised. He looked at Juliet, who was looking down. He sort of wanted her to say that she broke up with Declan because of him, but he didn't allow himself to get his hopes up. He had always believed that Juliet wasn't interested in him. And after that kiss... it could be said that he was confused.
"I thought it was pretty obvious, ha." Juliet laughed tersely. Shawn didn't even pretend to smile.
He cleared his throat. "You wanna sit down? Watching Cuckoo's. Classic." She smiled, looking at his face. She could tell he was biting back his hope, and not very well, either.
"You have food?" She smiled, feeling her stress melt as he returned the gesture.
"Well, of course." He scoffed. "What's your kryptonite?" She plopped down on the couch, careful to leave a considerably small space between her seat and where Shawn had been sitting. A plan was formulating.
"Anything." Juliet smiled, watching him go to the mini kitchen of the Psych Office.
"So Jules, tell me why you're really here." He came over with a bowl of popcorn and two beers. She raised her eyebrow. "I think you seem like the kind of girl who would appreciate a good cold beer." Shawn said, shrugging. Juliet stared at him, flashing back to a time when Declan put an extremely expensive, extremely disgusting, glass of wine in front of her.
"You think correctly." She eyed him skeptically before grabbing the beer.
"I always think correctly." Shawn grinned and he sat down next to Juliet. He cocked an eyebrow and asked, seriously, "So... Jules, honestly, tell me."
"I am here because Declan and I broke up." Juliet said, not lying. "But, I supposed that’s not the main reason why I’m here, of all places." She smiled, when Shawn threw her a glare, wanting her to continue. "I came here, because we have some unfinished business."
"And what would that be?" Shawn was clueless and Juliet smiled mischievously. When she realized that Shawn wouldn't understand her any time soon, she just leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. Before Shawn could react, she already pulled back and took sip of her beer. "Oh..." Was all what Shawn could say.
Shawn shrugged. "I'm okay to talk about that sort of business." He said, blasé, clearly pretending to turn his attention back to the movie.
"I thought you might be." Juliet did the same, and they sat in silence for a few moments, before Shawn broke the silence.
He cleared his throat. "Juliet," that caught her attention. Juliet. "I don't... I don't want to be your rebound." He stared at the quickly depleting bowl of popcorn.
Juliet looked up, a little surprised by his words. "You aren't." She said and Shawn looked up at her. "Shawn, you are a huge part of why I broke up with Declan."
It stayed quiet for a moment, while Juliet was waiting for Shawn to react and Shawn was thinking of a proper reaction. "So, you're serious? About this –uhh, us?" He wasn’t used to the word us being applied to him.
"Shawn. I want this." Juliet smiled softly. "Frankly, I think that Declan was my rebound for you. Though, clearly, it didn’t really work." Her smile had grown to a grin as she looked at Shawn.
Looking at her, sitting on his couch and hearing those words, directed at him, he just had to copy her smile. "Sorry for the apathy, but I'm glad it didn't work." He leaned in as she laughed.
"Me too." Juliet mumbled before their lips touched each other again and got caught in a sweet kiss.
As Juliet's heart rate quickened, Shawn sat back, smiling. He lifted his arm in a shrugging motion when Juliet took the opportunity to scoot closer to him. Chuckling, he dropped the arm around her shoulders.
"Take a picture of this moment." Juliet said knowingly. Shawn actually had to resist the urge to blush.
"Take it here," he gestured to his head, "and hold it here." his hand moved to his chest, and Juliet covered his with hers.
Story Notes:
Susan and Julia went back and forth with a few paragraphs each. They bet you can pick out the stylistic differences, and Julia will draw you a pineapple if you can.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is months in the making, even if it really doesn't seem like it.
Chapter End Notes:
That's it! Treat us well, Psychficcers!
You must login () to review.