As I lay on my bed, I stare at the ceiling trying to find pictures in the spackling. I know it is childish, but I can't sleep, and it keeps my mind off of what is really bothering me. So far, I've spotted a headless dog, a helicopter, and a bird. I stare for a few more minutes before I finally find what looks to be a Hummer. This simple picture brings back everything I have been trying to repress.

It takes me back to the army base that we were at a few days ago. Those few days were terrible. When I first met Juliet's brother, I'll admit (but not out loud, of course) that I was a little jealous. That was nothing compared to the rest of the things I had to deal with.

Abigail tells me she is going to Uganda for six months. I mean, come on, where the heck is Uganda anyway? Then Jules gets mad at me because I falsely accuse her brother. I really hate being wrong. I hated it even worse when it turned out I was right. Watching Juliet arrest her own brother was one of the most heartwrenching things I have ever seen. She is a whole lot stronger than I give her credit for.

Watching Abigail walk onto that airplane was almost, but not quite, as bad. I haven't heard from her since she left. This may sound terrible, but I miss her more than I thought I would. It seems I want to be with her more now that she's gone, than I ever did when she was really here. I care about her. I always have, but I know there is more to it than that.

I don't know what to do without her. I knew our relationship wouldn't last. It couldn't. There was always someone else between us. That someone had a stronger connection to me than I knew was possible. Now that Abigail is gone, I know what I want to do, but it scares me. Abigail was the only thing keeping us apart, and it was fun while it lasted. Abigail and I got along well. She understood my pop culture references better than anyone, and she really was great. I think I even loved her on some level.

But she wasn't my 100 percent perfect match.

I never close talked with her.

I never risked my life for her.

She wasn't the blonde-haired, blue-eyed junior detective that I've grown so attached to over the years.

I should just go tell Jules all of this, right?

Wrong.

I can't. I know that if I ever got the opportunity to be with Jules, I would never want to be with anyone else. I would have to tell her the truth about not being psychic. I have wanted to tell her for a while now. I don't want to have any secrets from her, but now I'm not so sure. After watching her arrest her own brother, I can't imagine she would treat a co-worker any differently; even if we are friends. I can't blame her though. It's her job, and I'm the jerk that has been lying to her for years now. I really don't want to go to jail, and her friendship means too much to me to want to ruin with the truth.

I guess I will just have to hide my feelings and pretend that I don't want to pull her into my arms and kiss her senseless everytime I see her. It will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I know doing so will save us both more heartache than necessary.

I just really wish Abigail never would have left. Things were so much simpler. Being with Juliet wasn't even an option while we were together, and I could pretend to be completely happy with Abigail.

Now my life will be filled with more secrets than ever.

I will have to continue to keep the secret from Jules that I'm not really psychic.

I will have to keep my feelings for Jules a secret from everyone, including Gus.

Most importantly, I will have to plaster on a fake smile whenever I see her, while my heart is secretly breaking more everytime I look into her beautiful blue eyes.

As I stare up at the ceiling once more, the word fake is screaming at me in the back of my mind.

Because that's all I am and will ever be.

A fake.