Date: June 22, 2012 5:43 am Title: You're The One That I Want, You Are The One For, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Honey
I really liked this little fic. It was cute and fluffy and filled my heart with gooey warmth. I like how you revisited Shawn's line about taking pictures of memories. I honestly melted at that point.
My constructive criticism: I don't think the rotating every few paragraphs thing works because, even though your styles mesh well together, you both have different conceptual understandings of paragraphing. One of you needs to split your different ideas over more than one paragraph and the other needs to join up the same idea that is split up over more than one paragraph.
In terms of characterisation and structure, I think you guys did a good job. I could really see the inner-workings of all the character's minds. You also have good sentence variation going on here.
[Report This]Date: June 17, 2012 6:35 pm Title: You're The One That I Want, You Are The One For, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Honey
Awwww shuleessssss
[Report This]Date: June 15, 2012 7:24 pm Title: You're The One That I Want, You Are The One For, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Honey
Aaawww :D
[Report This]Date: June 15, 2012 4:55 pm Title: You're The One That I Want, You Are The One For, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Honey
Very nice ladies. You work very well together. I look forward to seeing more from you.
[Report This]Date: June 15, 2012 3:20 pm Title: You're The One That I Want, You Are The One For, Whoo, Whoo, Whoo, Honey
Aw extremely sweet. Please update soon I can't wait to read more.