A/N: I hope everyone is doing okay during this pandemic. My area hasn't been put on any type of lockdown yet so I still have to go to work but my college classes have all been moved online so I'm definitely home more than I was before. Also, none of this is meant to be insensitive to the current situation. I had this idea pop into my head over how I think Shawn would react to the situation and had to get it down on paper even though I haven't written much in a while. Stay safe and at home everyone!
Gus snorted as his phone woke him up from his awkward sleeping position on his couch. Snacks and candy wrappers littered his shirt and immediate surroundings from his late night binge. The bright display from his smartphone made him squint, a stark contrast from the dark room which was only softly bathed in light from the static on the TV.
Gus cleared his throat and smacked his dry mouth. "Hello?"
"Gus! Buddy!" an overeager voice greeted him.
"Shawn? Do you know you know what time it is?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
Gus clicked his tongue. "C'mon son! It's late. What do you want?"
"I'm booooored. Can I come over?"
"Shawn, we talked about this. No!"
"Aww c'mon Guuuus. Don't be the Rotten Tomatoes score for the 2008 thriller Quarantine. We can make some Quatro Quesos Dos Fritos and watch that movie you like with the blonde lawyer."
"Don't tempt me with Reese Witherspoon! You know she's my weakness. But the answer is still no. I don't even have the supplies to make anything if I wanted to right now with grocery stores so picked over," Gus huffed.
"I can bring a roll of T.P. with me! I've got some back up rolls in the saddlebags of my motorcycle." Shawn bargained.
"You know I only use Cottonelle Ultra ComfortCare, not whatever off brand you use. My bottom deserves only the plushiest material available. And I've got plenty of toilet paper because I am always prepared."
"Ew, dude, T.M.I… of course I didn't know that. Why would I know that?" Shawn asked, exasperated.
"I don't know!" Gus's voice pitched upwards before he cleared his throat again. "I don't know how you know most of the things you know."
Silence filled the air for a couple moments and Gus could swear he could hear Shawn smirking to himself.
Gus spoke up first. "Isn't Juliet there? Why don't you go to bed? I'm sure she's asleep."
Shawn sighed dramatically. "No, she got called in on some case that she wouldn't tell me anything about!"
Gus laughed, "Good job, Jules."
"Noooo! Not 'good job Jules'! I'm going crazy here Gus! Let me come over!" Shawn whined.
"Shawn! What part of SOCIAL DISTANCING do you not get?"
Gus rolled his eyes. "There is a pandemic. I don't care how bored you are. You have to stay in your house and I have to stay in mine and every other person without an essential job has to as well. We're trying to flatten the curve here. And you know, try not to spread the disease without any current vaccination that doesn't show symptoms for up to fourteen days or more?!"
Shawn was silent for a moment. "But, it's not even that bad right? It's like a cold or the flu? What's so bad about that? I don't care if I get sick. I'm not pneumo-colonized."
"It's immunocompromised and you know it."
"I've heard it both ways!"
"C'mon son. No you haven't. And, it's not about you. Just because you might be okay if you get sick, we shouldn't risk spreading it to someone who wouldn't be as okay if they got sick. Like the elderly? Or, the immunocompromised and others who are at high risk. How would you feel if you gave your dad COVID-19 because you wouldn't stay at home and he got really sick or died?"
"Oh, that's not going to happen, I don't think anything will ever kill that man."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it Gus. Social distancing. Jeez, COVFEFE-19 ruins all the fun."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
"Well what am I supposed to do now Gus! There's not a lot of at-home work for a psych detective. I feel like I'm going crazy! It's been soooo long."
"Fake psych detective. And it's barely Day 2."
Shawn made indistinguishable noises. "Semantics Gus! How can anyone live like this?!"
Gus looked at his piles of trash around him and shoved his phone against his face and shoulder as he started to pick up wrappers. "You take it easy. Or do something productive around the house, I don't know. I'm sure you'll figure it out. And Jules is going to be there most of the time too."
"Argh. Netflix Party later?"
"Yeah, that's fine. I don't have a lot of at-home work tomorrow. But I do need to get some beauty sleep to be functional. I have Zoom conference calls to attend." Gus yawned.
"Okay buddy. Uh… get some sleep." Shawn sighed.
"You too Shawn. Try to get some too. Look, you can call me whenever but for the love all things holy don't show up here. I will not let you even if you had three Costco packages of toilet paper, a gallon of hand sanitizer, and a case of Lysol. I don't know where you've been and no peace offering will open my door."
"Don't be so sure about that Gus."
"I mean it Shawn! Not even jerk chicken could make me break the fresh seal of my sanitized apartment right now. Now, goodnight!"
"Night buddy. Talk to you later."
Gus caught his phone as it fell from his shoulder and the call ended. He needed to double check his windows and key sets. As much as he loved his best friend, he was quite comfortable with self isolating for the near future and he would not have his friend contaminating him.
As Gus drifted off to sleep in his bed, he thought about Shawn one last time. He really wasn't sure how his friend was going to get through a quarantine. California might not be the same after Shawn Spencer has to spend time confined in one place.