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Author's Chapter Notes:

P.S. Except for Shawn and Jules, I won´t name the people who are speaking off screen. Imagine yourself whose voice you think best for the parts. I personally think Lassiter could play the part of Lord Capulet but as I said. You can choose yourself.

Disclaimer: The skit is taken directly from my absolute favorite sketch of Studio C. If you haven´t seen it, go check it out. But first, enjoy Shawn as an unfortunate Romeo ...

Romeo and Juliet

Shawn was in disguise. He had chosen his best silk suit for the visit at his love´s window. The garden beneath her chambers was quiet, but in the house was still light, so he was trying very much not to make any sound.

And then he spotted her. Her silhouette was outlined on the curtains that shaded her window. Such a beautiful sight.

"The fair Juliet." the young man whispered, his heart full of anticipation. "I must gain her attention without her father noticing me. Or surely he would have me killed." he mused and therefor proceeded to try and call her in a whisper tone.

"Juliet." he call-whispered. "Juliet!"

She didn´t react.

"Jules! Jaymaney! Arg!" he gave up, realizing that: "The distance proveth too far."

His eyes spotted a solution. "But surely, these peddles will prove most useful." he bent down and picked some up. "Cupid, guide my name." he said a quick prayer and threw a peddle against the window.

Juliet did not stir.

"Forsooth?!" Shawn cried. He threw another peddle. And another. And another.

"Deathness, thy name is woman!"

Shawn sighed, already exasperated. There must be a way for Juliet to finally notice him. He picket up a much bigger peddle. One might have called it a rock. It was a little big he figured but since he was desperate for his love to come and talk to him, he wound out to throw it towards her window.

And just as he was about to throw it, a voice from the door cried out:

"What is going on out there?"

Shawn tried to cover and hide, but his momentum had already been too much. He couldn´t stop the stone anymore from leaving his hand. But instead of Juliet´s window it flew straight toward the caller – Juliet´s father.

"Ouuuuu!" cried lord Capulet. "Blessed figs end!" he cursed. "My face hath been accosted by a rrrogue stone! My forehead doth bleed with vigor! I think I've gone blind!" he whined but instantly went back to cursing. "What lumpish urchin-snouted flax wench hath done this thing?" he demanded to know.

Shawn meanwhile did his best to hide behind the bush. This was not what he had wanted. Oh, please, he begged in silence. Let it be not as bad as it sounds.

But then he heard lord Capulet bump against something and cry out again: "Ah, by Neptuns sweet beard, the family heirloom!"

Something fell and broke into a thousand pieces by the sound of it. Steps were stumbling away from that sound and then he heard lord Capulet again.

"Oh nooo, not the staiiirrs!"

Shawn could hear him falling. He was screaming miserably. With each step he seemed to hurt more and more. The poor old man cried out for help. "I´m still falling!" he yelped. "Help! Ohhhuu, I keep landing on my kneeees!"

The fall continued by the sound of it, each step hurting Shawn just as much as it did the poor old man. And then at last the sounds of his falling down the stairs ended and the only sound left was the breathing of his love´s dear father. Oh, please, Shawn tried to keep up hope. Maybe he isn´t hurt too bad. Please.

Lord Capulet sighed in his pain. "Oh, me thinks I have broken my entire body." he whimpered.

Shawn´s hope sank, even though he heard Juliet´s father utter a hope not unlike his own

"Still I should be grateful to still be alivOh no the candeladors have tipped over!" he shouted, to be heard over the roaring sound that came up. "All is flame! Help! Help!"

"We must make haste!" someone else came to him.

"Someone aide lord Capulet!" another cried just as the old man shouted: "My pantaloons are on fire!"

Shawn could not believe it.

"Quickly, cover his burning legs with something." one of his men cried, but was quickly rebuked by his lord.

"You cover my legs with dried straw, thou fool!" Juliet´s father sounded very angry. And in pain. Especially when the sound of fire burning even stronger emerged. "Aaaaaahhhh!" lord Capulet commented on this fact.

From somewhere Shawn could hear whinnying and hooves trampling.

"The horses have broken free and run wild in the house." someone cried.

"Help me move." Juliet´s father cried. "Beforeaaaaaahhhhhh!" Too late, obviously.

"The beast will trample lord Capulet!" his servant shouted in terror but the animals did not stop because of this. Their master cried out so many times, Shawn wanted nothing but crawl under his bed and cry.

"Somebody, please! Shoot the horses." Juliet´s father cried. "Or me, I honestly do not care at this point!"

"I shall save thee, lord Capulet." one of his men promised to Shawn´s great relief and loaded his gun, firing it.

Lord Capulet screamed in pain. „You hath shot me in the toe! Why!"

"I was aiming for the horse." the man apologized.

"How doth thou misseth a horse?!" his master cried in anger.

Shawn cried too. How was this happening?

The second guard returned, finding: "The horses have fled. I think my screaming has scared them away."

Shawn relaxed, thanking all his good angels that it was finally over and so did Lord Capulet.

"How fortunate." he heard him utter. But then, only a moment later, he again shouted in terror: "Oh, no, they have returned and they brought the cows with them!"

Once again, Shawn´s soul was martyred with pain, while hearing the sounds of trampling beasts and a shouting and squealing Lord Capulet. And at the very last, the shocked voice of his lovely Juliet.

"Father!" she cried out.

"Oh, Juliet!" her father answered, weeping bitterly. „Uhuhu, all is lost. Leave me to die here there is no hope."

"What happened?" she asked, so worried, so confused.

"I was struck by stone." was the unfortunately true answer.

"A stone?" Juliet sounded suspicious. "Wait a moment."

Shawn got nervous. But then he forgot about his nervousness when Lord Capulet asked, so scared:

"Wait, what´s happening? The cows are moving me towards more staaaiiirrrs." he could hear him falling again. "Oh, why did we buy a split level home?" the old man´s voice got carried away.

Shawn was praying to the heavens for mercy, when suddenly he noticed his lovely Juliet standing at the window. He quickly lowered his arms and proceeded over to her. Her face was stern. Not a good sign.

"Is it a bad time to ask you out?" he asked.

"Yes." Juliet was gone from her window before he could regret to ever having spoken.

Somewhere in the distance he believed to hear the exhausted voice of Lord Capulet, expelling: "The cows are standing on my kidneys …"

Maybe Shawn would wait a few days, before he tried to visit again …

Chapter End Notes:
All right. That was pretty much it. Tell me what you think. Did it make you laugh, because the original made ME laugh so much, I simply wanted to share it.

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